The Facilitator's JOMO

Learn to love not be part of everything

As facilitators, we aim to be on top of things throughout the process. We observe, redirect, and adapt according to what emerges in the space and the direction the group wants to head toward. We are their guides on the journey to discovery, problem-solving, or dialogue. However, while we are responsible for the overarching process, we shouldn’t be part of every step along the way.

Whether it’s an individual, group, or even plenary work, when participants work on sensitive topics, engage in deep dives, and explore in smaller groups, as facilitators, we do not need to know everything that is being discussed. Furthermore, participants should not be asked to share information after every group session because not all information is essential for everyone in the room.

Many facilitators walk around eavesdropping and checking in on groups. This is a common practice; however, it is also an interference and can have the unintended side effect of disrupting a safe space in a group. Picture you having a deep conversation and wanting to share someone personal with the group, knowing that at any moment, someone who is not supposed to hear some of the things can pass by and listen. How likely are you to share those things? I know my answer.

This might seem like a paradox, and many facilitators struggle with this. After all, how can you be responsible for something you are not part of? How can we make good decisions in the participants' interest if we don’t have access to the information? How can we ensure that participants are on the same page during the process?

I call this the facilitator’s JOMO (Joy of Missing Out), and here are a few underlying principles and ideas:

• Everything is information. We do not need to hear the words to get information. Words are often the least reliable indicators of what is happening in a room. Instead, observe the interactions and look at the communication signs, participation, and mood. Observe how people re-enter the plenary or react to your appearance.

• Invite, don’t force. There is a tendency to force oversharing in plenary to have everyone on the same page. This is an illusion. Sharing things does not get everyone on the same page because they haven’t been part of the conversation. Invite them to share, and don’t force them to share a key takeaway every time. If nobody wants to share, that is completely fine.

• Meta-facilitation. Explain why you do not have everyone share or other choices that you make because it gives participants a sense of security and safety to know that you work intentionally, even if they cannot make sense of all your decisions.

• Embrace the breaks. Not being part of smaller groups gives you a break that you can use to regroup and catch a breath. Facilitation is very cognitively engaging work, and facilitators are not necessarily good at taking breaks. These are natural opportunities.

• Need-to-know vs. Want-to-know. Reflect on whether you need this information and why or whether your curiosity leads you to want to know it. As facilitators, we do not own all information; thus, it’s not necessarily ours.

Not seldom, the need for information is rooted in our insecurity, thinking that if we don’t know something, we make ourselves vulnerable. That is a dangerous misconception. The opposite is equally relevant because sometimes we find things that bring us into predicaments and where we wish we would have never known.

Also, we do not need always to protect the group and read every wish from their lips. They will say if they need something, and they always do.

So, remember, there are many positive aspects to not knowing everything, and it is up to you to learn to embrace the facilitator’s JOMO.

Enjoy!