The Nice-To-Have or Need-To-Have Test

Why it sometimes makes sense to kill your darlings

Imagine you have worked hours to craft an agenda for a workshop. It seems perfect, full of subtle ways to strengthen connection, fun surprises, and different spaces for deep transformational learning. You are proud and can't wait for this to start. Full of excitement, you show it to a colleague for a final perspective on your design, and the first thing they comment is that it is way too ambitious. Boom, your enthusiasm is shattered to pieces.

This happened to me more than once in my career, and the feeling is similarly gutting every time. Mainly because I, meanwhile, know what that means: I have to "kill" one or more of my darlings.

We all have our favorite exercises and little secrets that make us who we are and make our facilitation signatures shine. The things that we feel so comfortable doing and where we know the effect they have on the participants. Only they are sometimes helpful. In some cases, they can actually work against the workshop's overall purpose.

When designing workshops, it is essential to make the need-to-have/nice-to-have test.

1. Look through your agenda and ask yourself at all elements whether you NEED them or WANT them.

2. Go through all the elements that you want and ask yourself: What is the added value of the overall purpose of the workshop? It is best to let them go if there is none or little.

3. Then, go through the needed elements and ask yourself: Who needs them, and why? If the answer involves the group, process, or purpose, you can safely keep them.

4. If the answer is you, i.e., the facilitator, explore why. You must be honest and acknowledge things you might not like to admit, such as that they make you feel safe and confident, underline your uniqueness, or you can run them in your sleep. Keep an exercise if it is essential for your confidence in your facilitation. They can serve as anchors.

5. Here, also ask yourself about the added value for the overall purpose and potential adverse effects they could have on the process, the group dynamics, motivation, outcomes, etc.

6. Repeat the process a second time.

7. If you are uncertain, get other perspectives on those elements before you make a final decision.

While we might remove our favorite tools, frameworks, or exercises from an agenda, our competency as facilitators stays the same. Moreover, it makes us more comfortable because we explore new waters without floating devices. Every time we do this, we expand our toolbox and experience.

And, remember, letting go doesn't mean we cannot use them. If nothing works out as intended, you can always resort to those little anchors and regain control through your magic secret exercise. Because then they have a purpose to help you keep control, thereby turning what was first nice-to-have into need-to-have.

Have fun!