Ever been in the middle of answering a question when you suddenly realize you’ve completely forgotten what the question was?
Or maybe you sipped your coffee and spilled some on your shirt, accidentally spat out that piece of lettuce that was stuck in your teeth, called the interviewer by the wrong name, or similar?
These moments can be stressful enough in casual conversations, but during important ones—like job interviews or salary negotiations—they can feel downright mortifying.
But they do happen. So how should we handle them?
Should we keep talking and hope the other person didn’t notice? Or acknowledge what happened and risk making them aware of it?
Well, if you’ve been on the receiving side of this situation, you know how easy it is to notice little missteps like these. So the likelihood that your interviewer isn’t already aware of what just happened is very small.
By pretending it didn’t happen, we’ve not only had the stumble itself, but we also risk coming across as someone who either lacks the self-awareness to realize what we did or as someone who doesn’t own our mistakes.
But if we show that this really isn’t a big deal to us by acknowledging it with a smile and offering an honest explanation, maybe even with a little humor, something interesting happens.
Owning mistakes disarms them.
In one study, 201 managers watched simulated job interviews where something negative surfaced about the candidate, and the candidates responded in one of four ways:
They apologized and took responsibility
They justified it by explaining why it happened
They gave an excuse by blaming something other than themselves
They ignored it and didn’t try to repair it
The managers were then asked to rate all the candidates, and the results were clear: Those who did nothing to repair the situation received significantly lower ratings than all the other ones.
The other three strategies—apologies, justifications, and excuses—all worked to a similar extent when the managers were asked to focus on the candidate’s competence, while apologies worked better than all the others when the candidates were evaluated on their integrity.
And since both competence and integrity tend to be things employers look for, our safest bet is to offer a simple apology, preferably accompanied by a quick explanation.
And this shouldn’t be a surprise.
Most people feel more comfortable with and trusting of those who take responsibility for their mistakes and help us understand them, than those who refuse to acknowledge them at all.
So what should we say?
In the end it’ll be up to you to figure out how to best express yourself, since cultural differences—both from country to country and industry to industry—can be relevant. But the basic formula remains the same in most situations.
(Smile -) Apologize - Explain - Restart.
“I’m sorry, I got so excited talking about this that I completely forgot your original question! Could you remind me what it was?”
By providing a simple apology you demonstrate maturity and honesty. By explaining what happened you demonstrate self-awareness and competence. And by starting over you show that you are willing and able to fix your mistakes.
You’re not awkwardly ignoring what happened, and you’re also not treating it as a huge deal and apologizing profusely. You’re simply admitting that you’re human and demonstrating that small issues aren’t enough to make you start spiraling.
The bottom line
Don’t panic, and don’t pretend it didn’t happen.
Acknowledge it and get back to demonstrating why you’re the person they should want to have working by their side.
Because here’s what we often forget: occasional, small mistakes happen all the time and don’t disqualify competent people. But a refusal to acknowledge them and move forward gracefully? That actually might.
It’s very unlikely that the people interviewing you are looking for absolute perfection. They’re far more likely to be looking for someone who can handle pressure, adapt to the situation, and who they can put their trust in when things go wrong. And demonstrating that a small mistake won’t knock you off balance, by addressing it honestly and without making it a big deal, is a fantastic way to display those qualities.
About the author
TJ Guttormsen is a keynote speaker and educator who has had over 650 000 enrollments in his online programs alone. He’s shared his insights on confidence and communication for almost two decades, and worked with clients from all over the globe and all walks of life.