Stop Asking for Feedback After a Job Rejection
Here's Why It's Not Worth It
There’s a familiar rhythm many of us know well….
You apply for a role.
You go through multiple rounds of interviews, tests and cases…. if you are lucky.
You prepare, show up fully, stay hopeful.
And then “Thank you for your time, but we’ve decided to move forward with another candidate.” or just nothing…. you get ghosted.
Disappointed but curious, you write back:
“Thanks for the update. I’d really appreciate any feedback you can share on why I wasn’t selected.”
But what do you actually receive?
Maybe a one-liner: “It was a very competitive process.”
Or “You were great, but we found someone who was a slightly better fit.”
Often, you get nothing at all.
Let’s be honest: most of the time, asking for feedback after a job rejection is a frustrating, fruitless exercise for both the employer and the candidate. And here’s why.
1. You’re not getting the real story
At this point in the process, most recruiters or hiring managers won’t give you candid or constructive feedback because they can’t. Legal concerns, time constraints, or just plain discomfort with giving “bad” news means the feedback you get is usually vague or sanitized.
Even if they do give feedback, it's often so generic that it's hard to translate into anything actionable:
“We were looking for someone with a bit more strategic experience.”
“It came down to chemistry with the team.”
That doesn’t help you improve. It just leaves you guessing and puzzled.
2. You’re outsourcing your self-worth
When we ask for feedback after rejection, sometimes it’s not really about growth, it’s about seeking reassurance.
"Tell me I was good."
"Tell me it was close."
"Tell me I mattered."
But here’s the truth: if you prepared thoroughly, showed up as your full self, and still weren’t selected….. it’s not about you. It’s about fit, timing, internal dynamics, or a dozen other factors outside your control.
Your value doesn’t decrease because someone didn’t see it.
3. Rejection is redirection
This is hard to accept, but I’ve learned it the long way:
If they didn’t see your worth, even when you did your best, that’s not a failure. That’s clarity. That’s a blessing
It means that role, team, or company wasn’t meant for you.
Not because you weren’t enough, but because they weren’t ready—or able—to recognize the value what you bring to the table.
And honestly? That’s a gift.
The best-fit jobs are the ones where your value is immediately obvious to the people on the other side of the table. Where there's mutual recognition. Where you don’t need to convince anyone, you just click.
4. What to do instead
Instead of chasing post-rejection feedback, try this:
Reflect intentionally. Ask yourself: Where did I shine? Where did I hesitate? What would I do differently next time?
Practice forward. Do a mock interview with a peer or mentor. Fine-tune your story. Keep learning and improving.
Trust your gut. If something felt off during the process—trust that instinct. It’s trying to tell you something.
Keep going. The right opportunity won’t make you beg for validation. It’ll make you feel seen.
Final thought
Job rejections sting. But they’re not a measure of your worth.
If you showed up, gave your best, and still didn’t get it—take it as a redirection, not a rejection. You're not looking for just any job. You're looking for the right one.
And that job? It’s looking for you too.
✏️ Over to you:
Have you ever received helpful feedback after a rejection? Or had a “no” that eventually turned into a much better “yes”? I’d love to hear your story.
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Have a nice one!!
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